My Role as Caregiver
A wise person once declared "we have met the enemy, and he is us." Never has this been more true than when we are confronting the life-changing prospect of becoming a "caregiver." There are ways to gently guide yourself through the process of determining what is right for you.
Facing Your Own Reluctance to Rock the Boat
For people facing a loss of independence -- through disability or age-related conditions -- autonomy is everything. We are painfully aware of this when we are struggling with the difficult question "does this person need help?"
It is natural to worry that, by stepping in, you are about to rob this person of independence, destroying their privacy and dignity. This is not the case. Try to translate your question into "does this person need support?" Remember that most of us would prefer to live a meaningful, involved life, and (albeit sometimes reluctantly) would welcome assistance in doing so.
Can't I care without being the caregiver?
It is common to feel dismayed or angry at being labeled "caregiver." Each of us accepts roles that carry with them large responsibilities: spouse, parent, worker, friend. Adding one more, and one which may be uninvited, can feel like an imposition. It can help to talk with someone you trust about your feelings. It can certainly help to utilize resources in the community and in your own network of friends and family to build a caregiving team.
Long Distance Caregiving
American families now are living farther apart from each other. The distance between you and your loved one makes it difficult to perform the tasks of a primary caregiver. There are ways to manage long distance caregiving:
- Visit as soon as possible to assess the situation.
- Gather information about local resources, including Adult Day Service programs.
- Make sure legal and financial affairs are in order.
- Keep copies of important papers and phone numbers.
- Bank some vacation or sick days from work for emergency visits.
- Set up a system of support, a friend or relative who can be called upon.
- Keep a copy of the local Yellow Pages to make resource hunting easier.
Know Your Strengths, Accept Your Weaknesses
Besides coming to grips with the question of whether your friend or loved one needs care, you will need to determine what level of care you are able to provide. Remember that many caregiving patterns are passed from one generation to another. You should decide whether or not these patterns will work for you. Should you follow an alternative path that better fits your personal strengths, resources and goals?
If you are already actively caring for someone, the Assess Your Situation section of this website will help shed light on your own need for assistance and support.
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